i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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