apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
