What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
