Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
