I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
