So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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