You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
