Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
