The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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