weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
