I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
