You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize