you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
