i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
