I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
