Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
