I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
