Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
