You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
