yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
