Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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