That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
