i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is her dick bigger than yours?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
