do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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