Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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