How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
