I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
