He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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