here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
