Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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