After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
