apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
