careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
