my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize