He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
