I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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