I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
