so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
