I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
