He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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