the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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