The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
