$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
