I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize