why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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