I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
