i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
