I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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