your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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