Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
