Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
