His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
