You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
