It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
