So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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