hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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