This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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