Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
