'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
