I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize