grandma shit on top of the toilet
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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