dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
