Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
