Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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