Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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