Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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