Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
