what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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