after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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