dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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