I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
