I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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