I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
