you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think a kid would responsible me up
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
